Üsküdar University Founding Rector, Psychiatrist Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan gave advice on difficult personalities and making it easier to live with them. Stating that difficult personalities are people who have difficulties in both personal and social relationships, especially in the family, they are aggressive and object to everything, Psychiatrist Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan said that it is necessary to communicate without removing these people from the system. Noting that accusatory and judgmental attitudes should be avoided while listening to these people, Tarhan said that the thinking brain of the person should be activated instead of the feeling brain.
prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan stated that difficult personalities are generally those who cause difficulties in both personal and social relations, especially in the family.
Tarhan said, “These people can be found anywhere from time to time. They are usually aggressive and object to everything. You cannot solve a problem with these people, you cannot travel together. They are the ones who always make people nervous. Everyone avoids them, there are such difficult personalities. Some of the difficult personalities are aggressive, some are obsessive, some are very grandiose, some are very good looking and very passive. But they do not solve anything. They're two-faced, they're extremely humble, they're difficult personalities too.” he said.
Noting that learning to live with these personalities requires a special technique and a special method, Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan continued his statement as follows:
“Such people may be married, they may have children. He may be a talented person at work, but he may also be a difficult person. This person is a talented person, resourceful, great at one thing, but has a difficult personality. In order to keep such people in the system, the leader in that workplace needs to think. Instead of throwing this person out of the system, the appropriate approach should be determined. These people are also talented, exploratory, outlier types. In other words, if the leader in the workplace keeps these personalities in the system, the talents of these people can also be benefited.”
Tarhan stated that a way to connect with difficult personalities should be found.
Stating that it is not possible to push such personalities out of the family, Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan said, “Sometimes you have children as difficult personalities. There is definitely a way of establishing a relationship with all of the personalities we call "difficult personality". We can compare a person to a palace with 100 gates, a big building. If 99 doors are closed and only 1 door is open, that palace will be entered. Difficult people are like that. Most of their doors are closed, but it is possible to find the open door and enter that person's world and connect and cooperate with them. This requires some effort, some alternative thinking skills. Nothing in life is easy anyway. There is a beautiful saying: Every job is difficult before it is easy.” said.
Stating that such people usually reveal their true face at home, Tarhan said, “This type of people may argue with their spouses for various reasons, for example, because of strange things. He gets angry with 'You cut the tomato big', 'You changed the seat', but he may not have a problem in his relations with his friends outside. Such personalities are difficult personalities. She plays well on the outside, but at home she reveals her true personality. Usually, these are people with double personality and low self-esteem.” made the statement.
They try to show themselves strong and to satisfy their ego.
Noting that the characteristics of difficult personalities can also be perceived as their personalities, Tarhan may hurt the people he lives with if he is an aggressive and hurtful type. These types of people have a tough, aggressive attitude. In the background of their harsh, aggressive, aggressive appearance, there is the feeling and impression of 'I am strong'. This shows that these people have feelings of inadequacy, inadequacy and worthlessness. It satisfies the ego by oppressing others and showing themselves strong. In fact, it is necessary to feel pity for these people, not to be angry.” said.
Noting that difficult personality types feed off persecution, Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan said, “There is a beautiful saying our ancestors said: A person or a society is either ruled by science or ruled by cruelty.
You know him in a person or society governed by science, you think about how he will act, you work hard, you find a method, you manage him that way. This administration is permanent administration. Or you can shout, frighten, intimidate and rule with cruelty. People or societies governed in this way are temporarily silent, but when they first get their freedom, especially after adolescence, they become enemies. Horror cultures have this a lot. Rule by cruelty, rule by intimidation. What are trust cultures? There is mutual negotiation, there is mutual cooperation, there is a free discussion environment.” said.
Tarhan said that these people should be complimented to the extent they deserve and deserve.
Noting that they are working on the skill of saying no with a person who has to live with a difficult personality, Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan said, “The biggest feature of these people is that they also have narcissistic features. They are intolerant, they see themselves as special, important and superior. These people are always praised. We are working on how to say no to such people. We are practicing both complimenting and criticizing these people. There are ways to compliment and criticize these people. Since these people are fed with praise, giving an undeserved compliment causes their ego to inflate. If he is not fed on what he deserves, he may see you as an enemy. It is necessary to give him the praise he deserves, but definitely not to do something he does not deserve. When this is done, it causes that person to make a mistake.” said.
Tarhan emphasized that the mistakes made by difficult personalities affect the whole of his environment.
He stated that when talking with difficult personalities, instead of saying words that will put them on the defensive, it is necessary to communicate with them and emphasized that the thinking brain should be activated, not the feeling brain.
Tarhan advised these people to try to communicate instead of building a wall.
Noting that when these people who are angry or shout loudly are asked, “Can you speak a little slowly, I want to understand you”, the thinking brain is activated instead of the feeling brain. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan said, “Then the person activates his/her brain, which thinks, 'So he wants to understand me'. He lowers his voice. Therefore, you will not build a wall with these people, it is important to have a relationship and a bridge between you. It is necessary to establish a healthy communication with the person's thinking brain by activating it, and to have a tendency to search for the truth instead of a reactive communication and to make you feel that you have good intentions. said.
Noting that it is necessary not to make hasty decisions in relations with such people, and not to try to solve the problem immediately, Prof. Dr. Nevzat Tarhan ended his statement as follows.
“It may be desirable to look at things from a different angle. Body language is also very important in human relations. In verbal transfer in communication, 80% of the relationship is sensory transfer, body language, sub-threshold emotions, tone of voice, chosen words. This is how communication should be established.” said.
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