Üsküdar University Faculty of Humanities and Social Sciences, Head of Sociology Department Prof. Dr. Barış Erdoğan made an assessment about loneliness, which is one of the most important problems of modern societies, and the phenomenon of chosen loneliness.
Noting that in recent years, there is a movement called "chosen loneliness", which celebrates lonely life in social life and presents it as a choice of individuals, Prof. Dr. Barış Erdoğan said, “Selected lonely thinkers, scientists, Sufi connoisseurs, artists, and people who want to make an important change in their lives may have a preference to isolate themselves from the society for a while to increase their productivity and develop new ideas. But I don't find it right to show this kind of loneliness as a healthy norm in society in general. It will be necessary to open up the concept of loneliness before discussing this issue more broadly.” said.
Stating that loneliness can be considered in three concepts as "being alone", "living alone" and "feeling alone", Prof. Dr. Barış Erdoğan said, “We can examine being alone within the framework of lack of social integration and living alone within the framework of the absence of family. Feeling lonely is perceiving loneliness as a social experience. Whether this experience is due to social isolation or within the context of professional or family situations, it is about feeling lonely. The individual flees to protect himself from the toxic relationships, insecurity, the job he had to do unhappily, and the unstable family relationships in modern society. He turns the house where he lives alone into a sacred place where he takes refuge. In other words, even the social contacts themselves can cause a person to 'feel alone'.” he said.
Noting that the conceptualization of "being alone" associates loneliness with the lack or absence of social contacts and connections, Prof. Dr. Barış Erdoğan said, “The number of face-to-face relationships with family and friends decreases. You spend your time on social media or you even start going to social activities alone.” said.
Expressing that the phenomenon of 'living alone' is mostly associated with chosen loneliness, Prof. Dr. Barış Erdoğan said, “Those who define loneliness in this way see it as a new way of life rather than a social problem. These solitary individuals are not considered as isolated from the society, with weak social relations or without them. This social group, whose subjects are single people, has chosen to sleep alone in the evenings, but they are presented as 'happy' people who participate in social activities together. This approach, which is compatible with the individualism that dominates the society and the consumption culture desired by the capitalist system, reformulates loneliness as “solo life”, “solo life” in order to save loneliness from “a negative prism.” he said.
"I don't find this look with rose-tinted glasses right," said Prof. Dr. Barış Erdoğan stated, "This lifestyle is more of a situation in which people are pushed into it for structural and cultural reasons, rather than a choice."
Noting that individuals who are pumped by popular media products and social media, who live only for themselves without taking the responsibility of others, who pursue pleasure, are almost blessed. Dr. Baris Erdogan said:
“In the consumer society, individuals are needed 'not as workers or savers, but more and more as consumers'. In this case, the increase in the number of people living alone causes many products to be used and sold more, from residential use to household goods. For the entertainment and tourism sector, those who live alone are a good customer base. Dating sites, which are mostly preferred by those who live alone, are the most profitable investments of the internet world. In addition, those who live alone can spend more money to make themselves happy. In this case, it appeals to the dreams of people, especially young people, as lawyers, architects, self-employed mediatic stereotypes who are successful in serials and media news, constantly having fun and traveling.”
Stating that the situation is very different in real life, although it is intended to be shown in popular culture, Prof. Dr. Barış Erdoğan continued his words as follows:
“But single men and women living alone do not lead lives that have become clichés in these popular culture products. Realities are very different from the dreams presented to society by the media. Whether in developed industrial societies or in a developing country like Turkey, the 'chosen lonely' is a versatile and challenging test in terms of psychological, economic and social relations for many individuals. The best way out of loneliness is to live a meaningful life. A meaningful life also connects us to a social environment in line with a goal, and saves us from the feeling of loneliness.”
Stating that everyone is getting more and more lonely in modern society, Prof. Dr. Barış Erdoğan said, “Because in the gigantic metropolitan environment where a fast pace of life is experienced, our family and friend ties are disintegrating. Our neighborly relations have been severed in the high-rise complexes we live in. Especially in white-collar jobs, we are forced to compete with our colleagues rather than cooperation in order to protect our job. All of this weakens our relations with our traditional social circle, with which we have strong ties. Maybe the number of our friends on social networks such as instagram and facebook is increasing, but these are our weak ties. They are not true friends who give us confidence in life.” used the phrases.
Noting that the difficult life conditions also affect the relationships negatively, Prof. Dr. Barış Erdoğan said, “The high cost of living and the decrease in purchasing power, which came on top of all these negativities, had a significant negative impact on our visits and meetings with family, relatives and neighbors with whom we have strong ties and which we can still maintain. There are some recent studies that even the dating of young people and starting a new relationship has decreased by half due to economic reasons. Meetings with friends and relatives are always postponed to a later date with an excuse. Instead of meeting in a cafe, young people are trying to maintain their ties with each other through social media.” he said.
Noting that among all age groups, white-collar workers in their 30s are the ones who feel the most lonely. Dr. Barış Erdoğan concluded his speech as follows:
“Because college-age youth and recent graduates still have an unconsumed circle of friends. This group can find friends or partner candidates who both share similar tastes and have plenty of time. Moreover, since the expectations and financial opportunities are lower in the youth, materiality is less determinant in the establishment of relations compared to other age groups. However, in the years when the relationship with the school was cut and people started working, their close social spaces narrowed, the number of people who entered their family life in their peer groups increased, and they were surrounded by office mates whom they saw as rivals rather than friends. We also see the results of this isolation in the user profiles of matchmaking sites. The 25-35 age group, whose circle of friends has narrowed, is the largest group in all dating platforms. As the age increases, the rate of those who are in a double life increases, the usage rates of these platforms decrease. However, divorce rates increasing rapidly in the elderly, especially in today's society, the individualism of the capitalist society and the development of technologies and services that support living alone make living alone an important option.”
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