The mother-infant relationship is very important for a person to adapt to the world. Altınbaş University Faculty of Economics, Administrative and Social Sciences Dean, Psychology Department Lecturer Prof. Dr. Dilek Şirvanlı Özen stated that the time up to the age of 2 is very important in the development of a healthy human being. He pointed out that babies, contrary to popular belief, understand very well what is going on around them. He stated that the effects of the right mother-infant relationship continue throughout his life.
Emphasizing that almost all development areas follow a parallel course with each other, Prof. Dr. Dilek Şirvanlı Özen stated that first of all, in order for people to reach a certain maturity in terms of cognitive skills, a secure attachment relationship should develop between mother and baby. prof. Dr. Dilek Şirvanlı Özen said, “Babies that you think do not understand you actually understand everything a lot. It's just that their way of understanding is a special system with a unique filter of thought, unlike adults.” He made important observations and recommendations regarding infancy, which is the basis for raising self-confident individuals.
“The baby should be able to form the thought of "my mother will come back even if she leaves"
prof. Dr. Dilek Şirvanlı Özen stated that the most important discovery in terms of cognitive development in infancy is the concept of object permanence. He explained that object permanence is a state of awareness that real-world objects continue to exist even when they are out of sight. So, he said, this is, in a sense, the scientific definition of the phrase "out of sight becomes out of mind" for the baby. Stating that this ability should be acquired between the ages of 1,5-2, Prof. Dr. Dilek Şirvanlı Özen said, “Another dimension of this concept is personality continuity. For the baby, it is void if the “person” is not in sight. Considering that the most important person for the baby, the person who meets all his needs and takes care of him, is his mother, it is normal for the baby to protest this event, thinking that he has disappeared, until the age of 1,5-2 years, when his mother disappears from his sight. However, as soon as the baby, object and person gain their continuity, they can perceive that life continues in other places from where they are, and may say, "My mother will come back even if she leaves." explained as.
“Secure attachment plays an important role”
On the other hand, when examining the social development characteristics of infancy, Prof. Dr. Dilek Şirvanlı Özen said, “Secure attachment plays an important role in the baby's ability to solve the problem of continuity of person in a positive way. In other words, if the baby, who has gained the continuity of the person by developing cognitively, has found his mother consistently every time he needs it, then he will have a secure attachment to her. In this way, the baby's thought system says, “People don't disappear when they disappear from my sight, now I know that. Since my mother has always been there for me whenever I needed her, even if my mother is gone now, she will come back and meet my needs…” he said.
“The baby must discover that his mother is a separate entity”
Pointing out that the part of infancy that we can define as self-development is the baby's reactions to separations, Prof. Dr. Dilek Şirvanlı Özen says, “Until the age of 1,5-2 years, the baby is busy exploring the relationships between his behaviors and the consequences of these behaviors. For example, he learns how far he has to reach to catch an object, what happens when he pushes the dinner plate off the edge of the table, that his hands are part of his body, but the railing is not part of his body.” said. Prof. Stating that just as he learns that the bed rail is not a part of his body, the baby should understand that his mother is a separate entity during this time. Dr. Özen explained that the baby, who could not realize this yet, reacted when her mother disappeared from her sight, both within the framework of her previous experiences with her mother and the thought of "What goes away does not come back". He drew attention to the fact that if the thought of "My mother was never there for me when I needed her until now" was settled in the baby, and the belief that "his mother should not be separate from him, that she was a part of him" was added to this, the situation that emerged became inextricable. prof. Dr. Dilek Şirvanlı Özen emphasized the importance of the baby gaining the "Personal continuity" understanding that its mother is a separate entity from itself, and most importantly, that she has developed trust in the relationship she has established with her mother. Only in this way, the baby can keep his calm when he is separated from his mother, "He left because he had a job, but even if he goes, he will come back, he won't leave me, hasn't it always been like this……", he may feel that he will return even if he is not in the same place. This relationship of trust is a very important process that will affect the whole life of the individual.” said.
“Baby shouldn't be judged from an adult's point of view”
prof. Dr. Özen determined that it was normal for the baby to give these reactions until the age of 2, and the main problem was that he continued to give these reactions even after he was two years old. “It should never be forgotten that the baby, on the one hand, gains the continuity of the person, on the other hand, he makes some attempts to test the relationship he has established with his mother. It is not easy for adults to understand them. It contains different rules and perspectives in itself. That's why a baby should never be judged on the basis of an adult's point of view, and the infant's very natural responses should not be labeled "a very restless baby" or "grumpy." made recommendations. Expressing that a baby's reaction to an event in any way means something to him, he said that this does not mean that it does not fit into the thinking system of adults and that such a reaction is meaningless. He stated that these reactions, which have a meaning for the baby, should be tried to be understood and interpreted by adults.
"Mom, I think you won't come back when you're gone, and I'm very scared"
prof. Dr. Dilek Şirvanlı Özen gave suggestions to mothers by giving examples of baby behaviors. “When a baby is two years old, he becomes restless when his mother goes to work, and when the mother returns, he behaves in ways that demand one-on-one attention to the extent that it will not take his breath away, this is his way of conveying the message, “Mom, I don't think he will come back when you leave, and I'm so scared…” should be considered. At this point, it is understood that there is a problem in the quality of the relationship established between the baby and the mother, and that the trust relationship that needs to be developed has not been formed.” he said.
“Mother must give consistent responses”
prof. Dr. Dilek Şirvanlı Özen suggested that first of all, "restructuring" studies should be started in mother-infant interaction to solve this problem. Arguing that the mother should draw a consistent and keeping her word, Prof. Dr. Dilek Şirvanlı Özen continued her words as follows. “Building the relationship on the basis of trust, the mother starting to respond to the baby's needs in a timely and consistent manner, paying attention to the regularity of the return hours from work, making this separation not by escaping, deceiving the child, but by explaining to him, when he returns, "Here's what I told you. I will go for so many hours and then I will come back and look I'm back... Babies may not have a watch on their wrists like adults, or they may not seem to understand explanations as much as an adult. However, it should never be forgotten that they also have a clock in their head, and this clock is a very punctual clock when the events around it operate in a certain order. It is not surprising that a mother returning from work every night at 6 pm finds her baby waiting for her at the door and learns that she is waiting for him every day from 5.30:XNUMX pm. Also, those babies you think don't understand you, she actually understands you too much. It's just that their way of understanding is a thinking system that has its own filter, different from that of adults.”
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