Why Do Children Lie?

Specialist Clinical Psychologist Müjde Yahşi gave important information about the subject. In the first 5 years of life, children cannot distinguish between the real and the unreal and they make up imaginary stories. E.g; A 3-year-old boy who sees his brother wearing his bag every morning and going to school can say to his aunt that I am going to school too, and even talk about the homework given to him by his teacher at school by embellishing it with the smallest details. These are so-called lies that are seen before the age of 6, have imaginary content and do not have the characteristics of a lie in the real sense.

If the child still continues to lie despite reaching the age of 6, then we can talk about habit. For example; The fact that an 8-year-old child constantly tells his parents that he does his homework to avoid doing his homework even though he has homework, tells his teacher that he forgets his books at home every time to avoid classes, or tries to achieve success by cheating from his friends shows us that lying has become a habit.

Children who make a habit of lying have two characteristics. Somebody; The other is their inability to control themselves and their extreme selfishness. The reason for these two personality traits is the negative relations of the family and the environment with the child, that is, if the family has not established healthy social relations with the child and the educational conditions that the child needs, the child cannot control himself and continues to lie by engaging in extremely selfish behaviors.

There are 4 factors that cause lying; feelings of inferiority, guilt, aggression and jealousy. The factors that lead to lying are that he constantly humiliates the child by comparing him with others, constantly accusing him of his mistakes, that the child is constantly curious and wanting to tamper with something, making him aggressive by constantly preventing him, and feeding our innate sense of jealousy with wrong attitudes.

This time, the type and content of the lies that extend to the adolescence period changes. E.g; We can say that an adolescent consciously resorts to lying when he makes good comments for a movie that his friend likes but he does not like, contrary to his own opinion, or tells white lies to a friend whose heart he hurt, just to get his heart. Such lies seen in adolescents are social lies.

Children lie for 2 reasons. First; fear and pressure. The second is imitation and modeling. For example; The mother who lost her key put pressure on her 5-year-old daughter by accusing her, "I know you bought it, if you confess, I will buy you a toy" and as a result, the child saying "yes I got it but I can't find where I hid it" even though he didn't get the key is a lie caused by the pressure.

Or a question that a father furiously asks his 10-year-old child, "Tell me, did you break this vase, quickly?" is a lie caused by the fear that the child says "no, I didn't break it" for fear of being punished even if he broke the vase.

If the mother tells her "don't tell your father that we are shopping" by strictly advising the child that they do not go shopping even though they go shopping with their 6-year-old child, this may cause the child to take the mother as a model and lie similarly.

Or, when the father is driving, saying to his friend on the phone that he is resting at home, he is a little sick, may cause the 4-year-old to imitate the father and similarly the child to lie.

All these examples are not very common in a child whose emotional needs and educational conditions are adequately met.

A child who has a positive self-perception, does not contain negative feelings such as worthlessness, inadequacy and guilt, is shown enough interest, love, compassion, a trust-based relationship is established, and is raised by valuing the rights of others, does not lie. Because the child who does not lie is self-confident, in harmony with his environment, he has integrated national, moral and moral values ​​into his life and integrated it with his personality.

My advice to parents; As parents, they should first review their own behavior and attitudes. They should convey the benefits of telling the truth to the child with a method appropriate for the child's age and development. They should never resort to reward or punishment to get the truth told. They should ensure the socialization of the child. They should emphasize the importance of commitments such as friendship, group, board, and institution. They should internalize the concepts of homeland and nation. They should live and keep our moral and moral values ​​alive.