“My child is attached to me”, “We can not leave for a minute, he does not let me go anywhere”, “It is a problem to leave the school; she cries, she doesn't want to go”, “She wants me with her even when we are playing in the park”… If you are using these phrases often, beware! These complaints show that your child is 'dependent' rather than 'dependent' on you!
The Covid-19 pandemic, which has affected the whole world, has caused radical changes in the life order of almost every family. Houses became workplaces and schools, and parents became teachers. The increase in the time that family members spend with each other has brought both positive and negative results. Keeping children away from school and social environments, eliminating peer socialization, and meeting all these needs have given parents the task. At the same time, the children's commitment and demands to their parents have also increased much more. In some children, this situation even went further and led to an important picture that could cause serious problems in the child's individual development and school life; addicted to mom! Attention! 'Dependence on the mother', which can cause significant problems in their mental and cognitive development, can also lead to school phobia in children!
The reason is usually 'parents'!
Children gain socialization skills in the first 3 years of age. Until this period, while the child continues to live dependent on the mother for his basic needs, he also tries to separate himself from the mother. Acıbadem Fulya Hospital Specialist Psychologist Sena Sivri stated that this state of addiction decreases as the child gains the skills and abilities required by his age, and said, “It is expected that addiction will replace addiction in the later stages of its development. However, this process does not occur in some children as it should, and the children continue to be dependent on the mother. In fact, children are ready to separate and declare their individuality in line with their psychosocial development. Therefore, being dependent on the mother is generally related to parental attitudes.”
Do not be overly anxious, protective and restrictive!
Many factors play a role in the child's dependence on the mother. Specialist Psychologist Sena Sivri warns that especially during the pandemic process, parents exhibit an overly anxious, protective and restrictive attitude towards their children due to the difficulty they have in managing their sense of anxiety, and continues as follows: For example, sentences such as 'Don't mix with the crowd at school, you will catch a disease', complete something that is under his responsibility for him, not allowing him to do something on his own, not taking actions and statements that support self-confidence play a key role in the child's dependence on the mother. The most effective rules that will prevent the continuation of addiction are to allow the child to do what he/she can do in line with his/her developing abilities, to approve him/her and to make him/her feel confident.
Attention! School phobia can develop!
Lack of self-confidence and, as a result, school phobia may begin in the child who is dependent on the mother. Adjustment problems at school, problems in friendships, shyness, shyness and aggressive behavior can be seen when forced. Specialist Psychologist Sena Sivri emphasized that in cases where addiction develops, the child's adaptation problems to school last for a long time, "In this case, children do not want to go to school, they do not hug their mothers, they become irritable, they cry, they display shy, avoidant, and sometimes vicious attitudes towards the teacher and everyone in the school. They do not participate in school activities, they react. They want their mothers to stay with them all the time, not to leave. All of these not only prolong the adaptation period to school, but also cause their education, cognitive, social and emotional development to fall behind.