While the Covid-19 pandemic, the epidemic of the century, radically changes our daily living habits, this process is much more difficult, especially for students who are at the center of socialization and learning.
As we come to the end of an education period in the shadow of the pandemic, Dilara Yamanlar, an expert clinical psychologist from Acıbadem Maslak Hospital, emphasizes that it is extremely important for parents to approach their children constructively and compassionately at the end of this training period in which bells will ring online and report cards will be taken online. Expert Clinical Psychologist Dilara Yamanlar explained 9 correct approaches to online report card, gave important warnings and suggestions.
Focus on good grades
We are going through a difficult process and this process is most difficult for children. Saying that you have noticed this, starting to speak by appreciating his effort to manage this process will make him feel that you are with him in this difficult period and will be good for him. Focus primarily on better grades, not bad grades. This attitude will help your child gain a little more self-confidence.
Labels such as "you're lazy", "you're unsuccessful" or "you're smart but you don't work" can also cause your child to accept himself that way and not strive for something. Instead, motivational speeches such as "I see how hard you try and I appreciate it" or "I am aware that you are tired and overwhelmed, but this is a periodic situation, I have witnessed many events that you strive and persevere, and I believe that you will get through this process in the best way." and it will increase his energy.
Every child wants to be special and unique for their parents; The comparison can cause the child to feel inadequate and to lose motivation. Therefore, avoid comparisons with friends or other children of your age.
Give your example
Talk about similar things you have experienced in the past; Sometimes children may think that their negativities just happen on their own and that they are all alone. Hearing that you are going through the same processes that you have difficulties in similar issues will make him feel that he is not alone and will be good. For example; When he got very bad results from a class where the whole class was good, an attitude such as "I felt very bad when I was at your age, I felt very bad, but then I believed I could recover it, I believe that you will fix it." It will strengthen the bond between you and increase your motivation.
Stay away from punishment and reward
Specialist Clinical Psychologist Dilara Yamanlar “Try to stay away from rationed punishments or rewards; When work and success are linked to a reward, we can create a different conditioning here, and this can affect the child's whole life. It may turn into an individual who does something just to avoid punishment, who does not use strong qualities such as willingness and perseverance, and naturally finds himself in an active unhappiness, as well as turning into an individual who only strives for the issues to be rewarded or does not try when he finds the reward insufficient. says.
Increase your dialogue with the school
Increase your dialogue with the teachers, the guidance service and the school; Being a caring parent, keeping track of things in the background without creating pressure will prevent you from experiencing tiny shocks during the report card period and your reactions will be more measured since you will guess the report received.
Use 'I' language
'I' language is a non-incriminating and solution-oriented communication technique. For example, when you see more than one low grade on your child's report card, instead of saying “how do you get these grades, you don't work at all, you won't succeed”, I was a little sad and surprised when I saw these few grades, what do you suggest to do to improve these grades? Let's sit down and talk about this issue together, is there anything we can do as your family? " Approach in shape. The most important feature of the 'I' language is to express your own feelings first, and then ask about the problem and ask if there is anything you can do about this issue and ask for a solution proposal from the other person, which will enable you to develop the dialogue in a constructive way and reach the solution suggestions.
Focus on the solution, not the problem
Focusing on the problem will create many problems, and focusing on the solution will somehow bring us to a solution. For example; "You have 2 weaknesses, it was like that last year, they are happening to you because you didn't work anyway. I am very bored with these weak grades." therefore we only talk about the problems and move away from the solution quickly. Instead, “Okay, there are 2 weak notes, what can we do about them, if we change what we have in our normal order, these weak notes start to rise? Let's make a few suggestions one by one and then we try to start with tiny steps ”approach will lead us to a solution after a while.
Make you feel like you are with you
Specialist Clinical Psychologist Dilara Yamanlar “Apart from school success, talking about the positive aspects of your child and making you feel that you are always with you and playing a simple game like 'Let's put the report card aside, now everyone say something they love to each other' will bring very powerful effects. I recommend that you play this game frequently, not only on report card days, which strengthens family ties, makes positive aspects noticeable and reinforces it. At the end of the day, 'bad grades or good grades, somehow all are solved, the most valuable thing is you and we are always by your side' that you do not fight difficulties alone as it will be good for both you and your child, and the support of your family is always one step behind. will make you feel that it is. " says.